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97 notches

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97 notches

Post by mortified_penguin on Thu Feb 10, 2011 2:04 pm

The first part of my book. It's a letter from an ex-soldier, to the woman he loves. It's still kinda rough, so point out any rough spots.

Dear Victoria,

I just thought I’d write to say hello. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How have you been? I hope you’re having fun. I can just picture you now, your long blonde hair waving in the breeze, your youthful smile, beckoning to come closer. I remember the first time I saw that smile. It was back in 2557, back when I was still Staff Sargent Ozone. You remember the code names don’t you? I was Ozone, you were Staple. Jean was Wicket, and Samuel was Tether. Ah, the god old days, back in Squad 14. I remember it well, the elite group of soldiers. I led, you by my side. Remember The Ordeal? Less than 30, and the best tester we had ever had. Yes, you were amazing, and beautiful at that. Even my old memories take my breath away. I remember accepting you as our own, but I was skeptical. I kept an eye on you. Protected you. The skirmish on Karr II was the first. We were camping out, following orders, no real purpose. I remember the gleam in your eye as you beat Tether in poker for the hundredth time. I remember the crisp air, the rustle of the ferns. I leaned back, hands behind my head. I loved watching the stars. I loved he way they twinkled, as if the universe itself was sending me a message. I ran a hand over my gun, feeling the notches, counting them, remembering each one. I still have that old paperweight. 97 notches I put in it. 97 lives taken by my own hand. And as I lay there that night, it was as if each star was a soul, winking from its celestial perch, casually watching for us to make a move.

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Re: 97 notches

Post by Balahs on Thu Feb 10, 2011 2:54 pm

pretty good. Is the story gonna be all in letter to and from victoria?
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Re: 97 notches

Post by mortified_penguin on Thu Feb 10, 2011 3:03 pm

It's one letter to her.

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
At the end of the letter, it turns out she dies on her way to earth, so the guy is just writing to his memories of her

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Re: 97 notches

Post by Balahs on Thu Feb 10, 2011 4:54 pm

ah. is this for fun? because it seems like a great story!
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Re: 97 notches

Post by mortified_penguin on Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:08 pm

Yeah, it's just a project I was thinking about for a while.

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Re: 97 notches

Post by Balahs on Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:14 pm

Its really good, but I think it would be interesting to write seperate short stroies on the things you mentioned, like karr II and The testers thing. I would read it, being an avid Sci-fi reader/ sometimes writer.
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Re: 97 notches

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